If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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