Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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