I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Pooping to opera.
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