how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
