sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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