Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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