I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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