I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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