i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
