I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
