don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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