Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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