My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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