At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
