i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
