and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
