why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
