All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
