Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
