No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
