he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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