ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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