This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
