I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
