Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
