Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
