i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
