I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
