I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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