We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize