Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This baby is an asshole
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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