Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
