guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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