I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
how does that bad decision feel?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
