I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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