just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize