fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
