I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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