My liver just broke up with me...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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