dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize