a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize