I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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