I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
