Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
