the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize