do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
