Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This baby is an asshole
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
