try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
