Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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