i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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