Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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