I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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