hell yes lets make some ravioli
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The Olympian is in my bed
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