brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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