STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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