Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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