At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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