I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
