i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
