and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
