I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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