it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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