You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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