my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
