What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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