you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
