she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
