ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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