you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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