we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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